Farewell My Concubine

I meet a man by the name of Thadeus the other day. I passed by him on the street and we ended up striking up a conversation. He's also an alchemist... turns out the antidote I made to stop the Black Rat bug helped him.

It's fall... and once again my tresses are starting to darken. The rich tan, soft teals and lavender has faded, replaced by darker brown, berry pink, rich aqua, and slight purple tips. They have grown long again. So, until I can find another spell to change my hair back, I suppose I will let it stay this way.

Ah, fall in Ireem doesn't seem all that different. I don't even know why I am calling it "fall" in the first place. Ah well... back on the far Island of Nippon, I would have dressed in my finest kimono. A lot of fall festivals occur to celebrate the changing of the leaves. Ah, I kinda mess them... as there is no chance of such events here. Can't celebrate the changing of the leaves when there are barely trees around...

I almost feel like taking another short trip away from Ireem... maybe longer. Maybe I should return to Nippon. See what has become of everyone I used to know. I would love to find a kimono with a falling leaf print. Then, when I wear it I can be reminded of the falling leaves... and not the burning sun above.

Zombies arose from the sands earlier... their rotting flesh filled the air... They carried with them  nasty virus, far worse then the one that orientates from the Dark Knights. That axe... the one I used to raid that one time, I ended up using it. I broke my promise... I swore I would never fight again. I managed to kill just three zombies... I "killed two others", well, the died soon after biting me. So yeah, I ended up getting that nasty zombie virus. Thank heavens it didn't turn me into one! Blah... not only that, but I swear I saw an actual ghost... uhh, really don't want to write about that...

 Not only that... I was accidentally released from Kito's protection when I took a sharp hit from someone's blade....I collapsed once... but covered thanks to Daisy's help. Sometime later I returned to the battle field... but didn't stay to see the end.

 Once I had my fill of zombie slaying that eve, I took refuge to heal and rest. It's a good thing I had a spare herbal potion. Someone tried to pass on that nasty bug, and I got bitten by a rat who was chasing some dumb palace bimbo. But it seemed taking the potion has given me some type of immunity.

Just so... tired. I barely managed to write that news paper article about the attack. Blah... I just hope I will be able to spend the rest of this week recovering. Even though I am cured of the Virus, I still feel ill... and I should probably return to Kito's protection.


Ugh... think I have had enough of zombies and ghosts...


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I traveled away from Ireem today... to the far of shores to a busy market. I bought a few things, fabric, paints... a rare find, I bought a lovey bit of fabric with a wavy pattern. Having not much of anything to do that day, I spend my time sewing. And what did I make? Why a lovely kimono.

When I wore it out later, I wore the obi in the same style I did when I worked as an Oiran. For a bit of added fun, I wore flowers in my hair. Yes, and I thought that would be the end of my fun for that day. Aside from rising tension caused by the palace virus the other races... there really was not much to report on.

Then, I was summoned away by a very familiar carriage. Dare I accept this invitation? "Why not" -- I mused as I entered. Again, there wasn't much to report on. All was peaceful with the merfolk... and truthfully, there was no one else keeping me from taking a short trip away from the city of sand.

The carriage whisked me away to a charming hide away. And there, Kito was waiting for me. Ah it was a good thing I wore one of my best pair of silk stockings. Such an amazing evening. Again, I must admit becoming a mer has made Kito a much wilder lover.

 I'm so grateful that he left the world of the land to return to the seas... no one has ever showed me such commitment. So, in turn, I gladly submit to him. And it always feel wonderful. Plus, I feel so safe with him... so showing a more submissive side just comes so easily.

For some reason I just feel... restless. As if there is something important that needs my attention. What or who I just can't say. Regardless, I find myself spending less and less time in the office. I wonder the library a few times, doing idol searches on any topic that happens to catch my fancy.

My hair... is starting to grow out again. Bangs feel so unruly.... blah, time for another hair cut. I am trying to spend more time outdoors. At least to keep a slight healthy glow. Maybe I should go back to sunbathing. I kinda miss that soft tan look.

I'm also spending more time in the waters. Not much or many hold my attention in the city.

Blah, sometimes I just feel so damn useless. At times I feel I could be of real use if  only learned how to fight. But, I can't ignore the fact that part of me loathes the idea of hurting others. It's not a real desire to do good... or be good... it's just that... I really don't see the point.

Ah well. For the time being I will help my friends and allies the only way I can... healing. The library has many good healing spells. So, hopefully this information will strengthen what I have already learned in the Mer temple.  The raids are heating up once again, so I hope to provide enough support.

Funny how everything seemed so much easier when I was younger I could swim off... do almost anything I wished. I wasn't tied down to anything, just family mainly. I wonder why I was in such a hurry to grow up, to move on... everywhere I go it's all the same. It's all rather... disappointing. No matter. Maybe I have finally found a place to call home? Maybe then I can stop wondering from place to place like a stray cat. I can take comfort in the fact that people do belong ... that I finally have someone to feel safe with.

If only I could find the motivation to write a story. Truth be told, I really don't feel up... There's nothing new in way of stories out there. A good juicy rumor is that the undead are starting to awaken from their slumber. Tales of magi and others leaving their clans float about, whispered through the streets of Ireem as quickly as the scent of freshly bake bread wafts through the air.

Still, the rumors mean little to  nothing to me without proof. Written proof or other wise... Doesn't matter. I have no plans on chasing down that story. If the Whispers team wants to write about it, so be it. Besides, the catacombs have always given me the creeps for some reason. Maybe it's all of those spider webs... or the scent of stale death that lingers in the air? Or could there be another deeper reason...

 Think I will stop there. I've got no plans on joining their ranks. I am happy being a mer... Besides, I rather enjoy reading up on the history and such. So, in reality mer are really spirits of the oceans. Meaning, I know have the right to curse out any idiot who calls me a fish. Besides... I am a mammal. Fish don't have hair or lactate. Looking forwards to laying this rant on someone...

I might as well swim off shore for a bit. Aside from Kito and a few other mer.... I've no reason to hang around. Maybe I will be lucky and stumble across a nice story when I return. There's a lovely full moon out tonight,and I don't want to miss it.

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I can't help but notice the less the subtle change caused by the tides. I find myself spending more time in the waters and less time on land. When I to spend time on land, it's mainly in the office.... I am not sure why, but I just feel rather fidgety.

So... instead of the office, I decided to spend a little time at the Ireem Library. I figured I could do some research on the moon and the tides. My research got a little off coarse. I found myself pulling up dusty books on the origins of the mer. It turns out we are truly ocean spirits. Makes me wonder if there is any relation to the Djinn... sense they are spirits as well. Shame... I really don't know if there is anyone that can confirm the legend.

Oh well. If I keep hunting I am sure I can find a few lovely tales of Oceanus. After time spend researching, I still felt that familiar pull to the water. Maybe it's something other then the moon... but what? I am not sure what else could be drawing me to the water. It could be another warning... of something to come. The strange tides and the dead fish must be a warning of something.

It's still somewhat quiet... The only bit of real news I heard was that Princess Page's husband was killed by some Undead. I think Princess Seren was even held captive... Yet... since it's palace news it really has nothing to do with me. I left the palace for a reason. And that reason was because I never really felt as if I fit in. Hearing the bad news just reminds me of the palace troubles of the past. While I do feel sorry for those I know in the gilded palace... there really isn't much I can do to actually help them.

Aside from that, I think things are slowly returning to normal. I am going to write a piece about the odd tides for my mer clan. Mmhm, I wonder if the moon is to blame? I have been feeling rather strange myself. Could it be to blame for my odd desire to either stay in doors or in the water? I might have to do a bit of research then. If the moon affects the oceans, it surely should have some sway over those who dwell within.

Mmmm... wonder if the moon will have any affect on Kito then? Maybe it will affect his stamina in a positive manner... I might have to test out this theory next time I see him. This time I will be sure to wear a nice pair of sheer stockings.



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Personally.. I don't know what happened outside of what was written in the report... The only words that stuck were the ones about Queen Indigo being lost to the world of dreams. It's very saddening to think... that she has left behind so many friends... loved ones... I didn't know her personally... But I did seek her advice once... A letter... of which, I can't recall who it was about or for. Must not be very important if I can't remember...

I thought it was going to be just another dull night in the office. The only thing really exciting about the day was the new sets of silks I picked up from a local seamstress. Needless to say... I had all but forgotten a small ... well not so promise to Kito to always wear silks stockings.

So... I feel asleep in the office... again. But... I woke up sometime later to the sound of someone paying the rent. Mmmm... wait... the editor's the only other person who can pay the rent.

Before I could turn around... I felt his hand  along my legs before Kito's words reached me... needless to say I kinda got punished for not wearing them! Hah, I ended up getting spanked... mmmm, then he took me, right there in the office. His hands holding my arms up, keeping my body against the wall. Yet... I didn't fight, I submitted to him... let him ravish me.

He seemed pleased by this... very pleased. Dare I say this side of me brought out the animal in him? I ended up doing a few other... lovely submissive things for him. -blushes-

I know I said I was going to leave his direct protection... but... after last night, I just want to remain his. He takes me to the heights of pleasure... and for that I just want to give him my mind, body... and soul.

I find myself spending less... and less time outside and more time bumming around the office. And, when I am not inside... I am under the cool waters in the bay. As a result of this change... my skin is slowly starting to lose that sun kissed golden glow. My hair is also starting to return to darker shades. It's starting to grow too long... so I cut it again. It's now brownish/plum ... fading into lavender with soft pale aqua blue tips.

When things get quiet I drift off to deeper waters... far away from the noise of the city... but it seemed those deep waters couldn't keep me from a little adventure....  They were a mer short and they wanted to raid... so I ended up breaking my non combative status... picked up one hell of a heavy ax, and joined in. It was... scary.... yet I only agreed because two others said they had my back...

And... it turned out fine! Our raid was a success!Towards the end, I gave myself over to Kito to avoid being captured... now that it's over, I really should "escape"... but... it feels kinda good being his! Oh well... I plan to escape anyway. I know he'll probably spank me for breaking my word to never take up arms. Even though I have been here... for a while... I am a horrid fighter!

I want to focus on love -- not fighting... not old lovers... but current. I kinda miss the days when I used to sneak out of the harem to see Kito. Hehe, I am sure all the harem girls... even the Sultana knew. Ah, it was just so exciting! To be able to get away from palace life for a bit...

(Both images in the picture are by Kito <3 )

It was another dull day around the office. I managed to get some work done, left fish for the office cats, edited some images for print... and fell asleep at my desk. Not the most amazing of days...

I find myself day dreaming... I can't help but think about my old days in the harem. Hehe... sneaking out to see that pervy Lord Kito. I was always sure to wear my finest silks stockings for him, and only him. We'd take trips to his house... and even to his villa in Nippon. Ah, being with him just made me feel so... at ease... safe...  I didn't need to do anything special... nor did I need to cling to him.

Ah... I miss the villa... the sight of Sakura. Here in Ireem the only trees we see are palms. There beauty doesn't even come close to that of a cherry tree in full bloom. -sigh-

I remember visiting once... and posing for a painting. I wore a kinmono with a butterfly obi, tired in the style of the oiran. I still have the painting by Kito... it hangs in our house. Almost makes me want to put on that kimono... ah, by my scales are far too sensitive to wear so many heavy layers of clothing.

I dreamed of a place... a lush garden of Eden, a dream in scattered Sakura. There were charming flowering trees as far a the eye could see. I arose from the a tranquil lake... clad in a gown of pale pearl gossamer silk. In the distance... Everything seemed so vivid. Smell of Sakura wafted on the breeze, along with Jasmine... Cool waters felt so pleasant ...  I could see Kito. Standing on the shore smiling softly.

And then... I rolled off the damn bed and woke up on the cold floor... How I wish I could return to that dream. Wonder what it meant? Aside from the fact that I really should stop snacking so late in the evening.

I am not really in the mood to do much... let alone work on articles. Not that there is anything new to work on. It's pretty much the same on thing... Raids tearing friendships apart, Dark Knights acting like school yard bullies -- pretty much going after those who say things they don't like... goddess forbid! What make things worse, is that they have no real proof, thus making them look akin to paranoid mental patients   The entire lot of them need to grow up, shut up -- and focus on what really matters... that spy within their camp!

Haha... but no... no news. I think there were a few events and such, but I am not feeling up  to doing anything. I am sure Kito will gladly print the results or any images for them.

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Evening comes which means an escape from the world of man... It was yet another day  of nonsense. I did find out that the Dark Knight's have placed a bounty on me for -- something I didn't write. Truthfully, I do not understand how they even know my name... sense both of the articles they are upset over are not even under my name. I have never spoken with most Dark Knights...  No matter... it is just proof that idiots don't need a real reason to be cruel. To me, they are akin to a group of three-year-olds throwing a temper tantrum... I'll just wait until some other poor sap dares try to make a joke about the mighty knights of darkness! Hah -- oops, I just made a joke about them -- bad me bad!

But, as I wrote in the paper, I don't care what they think about me. Ugh... now I grow tired of hearing about the Dark Knights. They are even bothering other mer-folk... trying to find who write whispers I suppose. To be honest, it wouldn't surprise me if the writer was from their own camp. If any of the Whispers stuff is true, the person would need to be really close to that camp. But again, it doesn't matter... they don't matter. I am not going to look into who wrote Whispers in the Wind's... mainly because I have something called a sense of humor.

How I wish I could write something beautiful. As I gaze up into the darkened sky I can't help but think of Kito. In truth, is is probably the only male I would submit to... the only one I trust enough to...give my all, mind, body... But, In am not sure if I will never get the chance to tell him. But... the idea wafts through my mind. Wouldn't it be lovely... I kneel before him, legs slightly open, palms resting, open... showing how open  I am to him.

But maybe... maybe I should write a love story about him? Maybe about our first meeting... hehe. Would be a lovey break. Ah, I would love to escape within the writings of something from the heart. I can recall our first meeting like it was yesterday... I was waiting in the public setting area when he approached me. Sure, it wasn't exactly love at first sight. He seemed so serious... but when he found out I was seeking Lady Seren to join the harem, he agreed to give me a small tour...

The more we spoke the more I found out that we had a few things in common. He was from Nippon... and I... born off the coast, had spent time in that fair country... He invited me to his charming Ireem flat...-blushes- and from there... things took a very sensual turn.

Another dull day, yet I am writing at the mer-temple.

I made the mistake of reading back. I can't fully recall what I thought when I wrote about that person... but it's probably best that I get rid of the pages. They are already out my mind... better not leave a trace of them in my house. I traced down all the entries concerning that person, an ripped them from the pages.  Pages were burned, and the ashes scattered to the seas. Best to let the one who inspired the words "fifty shades of fail" fade from my life completely. I am truly glad I choose Kito... now if I can only spend a bit more time with him.

Ugh... some moronic male filed charges against me just because I work for the paper. With no proof, sense my name is not on either article, even thought I helped write the first. Added, it was reported by someone I have never even meet! The hot Ireem sun really does a number on people's brains... Doesn't matter.. after everything I have dealt with, surprise attacks from that camp, boredom... more boredom... and idiots -- it's all just the same crap. Everywhere I go it's the same thing... maybe I should be grateful -- but I am not.

Regardless, as a result of dealing with such nonsense, I really don't feel up for finding that one amazing story. But, I do know it's out there... that one amazing tale that will help restore my faith in this city... well in love in this city. I will feel up to searching tomorrow... A funny note, the idiots running the rumor mills say I am married to Kito? When did that happen?! Geeze... the rumors make my life sound far more exciting then it really is! Mmhmm... gotta check the rumor mills again to, who knows... according to everyone else, I might be pregant!

Ah, it was another somewhat dull day. The only thing I really have to write about is the Dark Knight's event... well I would have something to write if I actually attended. From the news, it was to start with a slave chaise followed by a ritual sacrifice. Part of me... wanted to sign up as prey -- but I quickly talked myself out of it. The part of me that urns for collar is pretty much dead. I might still have a little submissive side... eh, I'll save that for when I see Kito. He is the on one I trust... well love wise... anyway.

Now if I could only motivate myself. The next big story is waiting in the sands of Ireem! I just have to woman up to find it! Mmhmm, I will probably go along with what Kingy Queen Ivery said and just make someone up about a random drifter. I mean, the slavers have not raided in a while... I could write up a good bit of nonsense about them!

Until the muse finds me, I will be more then happy to lurk the office... mer-temple, or just my house. Shame thought, it just feels like I am hiding something... or maybe it's a someone? Funny... I can't recall... must not be that important.

I am sure I will feel more up to wondering the city tomorrow. I do not I need to try to spend more time in the sun. I want to keep up my cute mer-glow!

 The month of love is over... I assume sense it ended, before I could copulate... well become pregnant... , that my scales would have returned to their normal blue shade. I appear to be wrong. They remain the same shade of opal, that catch the light making them appear to be soft pastels of pink, blue, and pale sea green. I wonder if this has something to do with that potion? My hair has also grown in length... but the very tip as faded to a soft blue.

I almost wish I was back home. The elder healer of my clan would be able to tell me about these off changes.

No matter... aside from the raids, things seem rather dull. Part of me just wants to flat out quit trying. Blah.. no good stories out there besides the same old trash... something happening to some guy's slave... or someone getting slashed by someone's sword... Where are all the tales of magic and mystery! Like... Magi bewitching a maiden... or brave knight comes to the rescue of caravan lost in the wilderness... -sigh- I never hear anything good like that!

Ah well... I will keep on lurking... heh, if things get dull enough I might make up something. Mmhmm... about some random stranger. Oh... maybe I will just be a jerk and write about the people who keep trying to steal from the fucking till when it's bloody empty... while I stand a few yards away. I swear... the sun bakes idiots brains turning them into amazing morons the likes of which no normal person can comprehend!

The trip away from Ireem had been a long and sorrowful one... I paused to rest only once on this journey. Eastward, I headed... to a tiny island called Cacao. Ah, I recall it was a mystical place... something of which amazes me even as I think back. On first glance it appeared to be untouched by mankind.

Needless to say I almost thought I was on the wrong island... that is when an odd figure in a dark indigo hued robe approached me. The woman appeared blind... yet said she had been waiting for me. She lead me to a small hut covered in moss. There, in exchange for a noir ocean pearl, she gave me a small vial.

"Take this once you return to the place you call home. Think of the one you wish to forget. Only take this if you are serious... as this might cause you to forget large parts of your life that were tied in with this person"

In truth, I didn't pay much attention to this warning... in fact I ended up drinking the vial the moment I found another safe island to rest... big mistake!

I recall... everything seemed to go dark. Waking up after.. I really don't know how much time had past. Yet, I didn't waist to quickly search my mind... I could remember Kito... him leaving for Nippon. Mhmm... then emptiness. Darkness...  at that point I simply had to stop! How my head hurt so... I could recall returning to the seas with Kito, but not the full reason why.

Another odd result, is that my hair had turned the strange shade of people... faded pale opal towards the end. Blahh... I have a bad feeling about all this. But... if I went through the trouble of all of this... it worked after all! And now I feel so much better...free from something I feel that was constraining me. Mmhmm... whoever that might be. I know I can try to find out who by simply looking back... but I figure if I went through so much trouble to forget ... there is no real reason to try to remember what or whoever I wanted out of my mind that badly...

It's coming down to the end... sense I have not been impregnated, the subtle opal tint lingers. So... once the sun rises my hair remains that shade! The other thing that lingered, was the sexual drive. Mmhmmm... It seems that everything is setting off this urge. Someone mentioned soft... human... flesh... mmhmm, I could have pounced the next thing that moved then and there!

Making things worse... or well, stirring up that deep inner passion...Aizen. It's as if a part of me just can't let him go. Even a simple swat on the rear got me purring. Blaaah.. it's bad... because Kito's away! I worry... what will happen if I give into temption? Doesn't help that one of my initial reasons for leaving Aizen is no more... So now they each stand on equal footing. I guess... damn it damn it damn it... heart make up your mind already! I can't take this... 


Needless to say after Aizen left to hunt up blood, I headed to the waters!  Mer-form seems safest... I've never had a sexual encounter in this form... At this point I really don't call that luck. Mmhmm... how I have been dreaming of making love in this form...ever sense my return to the waters. But, I suppose that dream of passion shall have to wait.

But going back to my scales and hair... I am starting to worry. According to my clan, my hair and scales should return to normal. But, there is something odd. My scales should have started to turn blue... even if my hair isn't. Sadly, sense I am so far from home I have no way of contacting an elder.

Maybe I can find some herbs to calm my libido... looks like I shall have to visit the market.

It seems like another ordinary day in Ireem... one of those days that stirs the blood. There is nothing new to write concerning the outside world. It seems the Bedu are upset over their losses... and have targeted the Dark Knights.

 Not that I care -- in any case. I've taken a break from healing... something about the sight of blood has gotten to me. It just breaks my heart every time I hear about friend going against friend all over a shiny crystal! Blah.... once again, I find myself wishing I could be like those heartless bitches. Then I could honestly say I didn't care... and spend my time sleeping my way to the top... yeah.... hopping from male to male like there was no tomorrow!

Sadly... I still have a brain... even though bruised, my heart's still somewhat... hmmm... not sure where I am going with this. Just going to leave it and move on to other rantings.

As always, stories of poor slave girls... no, stupid slave girls who were foolish to trust. It's come to the point where I honestly believe that most males in Ireem cannot be trusted...  But they do prove that males who think they can handle trying to keep more then one woman... honestly don't understand the attention that female's require. And that... deep down most women are catty bitches... I mean, a touch on the insecure side.

Or maybe it's come down to the point where... I just want to settle down with one person... one person who just wants me... and not a million other women? Haha monotony in Ireem, like a virgin slave girl, doesn't really exist. 


Ah, times like this make me yearn for the safety of the Oiran house. Things were so much simpler then. I  would wake... and head to the baths. After a long soak and a few colorful chats with the others... onto breakfast. Most of the afternoon would then be spent preparing for that evening.

The setting sun would find me painting my face a soft shade of white. A little bit of crimson would accent my eyes... along with my lower lip. Ah, but not in the same fashion as a maiko. No, the shades used was far more bold. Once finished... a stylist would come to brush my raven locks into something amazing... accented by gold ornaments.

Once done, I would sit with the other ladies of the house in something that, to me now... seems very much like a cage. Men would then approach the bars. If I were lucky that evening... then I would get a client... If not the evening would be spent in the room... listening to the other unlucky girls chatter away.

-sigh- I wonder what would happen if I never came to Ireem at all? Then I would have never meet Kito... heh or Aizen for that matter. Oddly enough, the thought amuses me so because I am pissed off them BOTH OF THEM RIGHT NOW. Men... so bloody clueless it's just fucking painful...  Doesn't matter... I don't have the courage to say anything at the moment... At least I can let this all out in the pages of my diary. Instead of keeping it all locked inside like some nut case...

Ah well... back to the sands! Maybe I can find a story that has nothing to do with "that pregnant slave girl" or  "I got attacked by 'x' for the 'blank time... so I am going to do something stupid"... geeze... if I did not know any better I would swear the lot of the people in this city are on drugs!

Only ten more days until the month of love is over... I can already feel some of those intense feelings start to die down. Ugh... not nearly enough! There's still this deep primal urge to copulate... When I write this I don't mean quiet love making in some little dark corner! Mmhmm, I mean rough sex on the beach! No better! A deep passionate love making session within the cold ocean depths!

Come to think of it... I have never made love in the ocean, as a mer. This is the first time I have spent the month of love as a full mermaid. These feelings, mhmm -- it's just so maddening! How long can I last, burning with this deep desire?

I'm going to overflow... I can just feel it in my very being. This worries what little sanity and or self control I have left. I could very well find myself in the control of another lover... or maybe an old flame.

Soooo... in an attempt to try to cool myself down I have worn clothing! Well... a dark aqua sari wrap minus the tight fitting choli.

Actually... I spent most of the day away from the city... hidden away in a deep underwater grove far off the coast. Little Mizuchi kept me company -- hehe at least until hew swam off to hunt for dinner. -sighs-  It honestly feels as I am trying to avoid someone... more then just someone! This deep feeling of lust is driving me insane... which isn't good when there are more then one person out there that I would love to have my way with!

So... tomorrow morning I will do the same. I will swim far off the coast and spend the day away from the city. It's not like I can take seeing... blah, sometimes I really do hate having a submissive heart.

I found myself killing time watching a group spare... I found it rather interesting... Something must be said about those who are willing to take up arms to defend what they believe in. I doubt I could ever be one of those people. ..

I was a bit lonely, so I sought  some peace in the darker depths of the ocean... far away from Ireem's sandy shores. Far away from the cries of battle... away from the raids. Once again my blue scales faded to the many shades found in an opal... gently illuminating the area around me... surely he was drawn to this soft light... Or maybe, were were drawn together by a lack of companionship?

He was like nothing I had never seen before... His form covered by dark navy blue and sky blue scales. I couldn't help but notice those tiny... yet sharp looking teeth. Oh and how the curious little sea dragon swam around me excitedly! A petite yet scaly form helped him easily glide through the waters...  Even though he had four legs... his tail was more akin to that of a mermaid's. Ah... water dragons are truly amazing little creatures. Okasan told me about them... yet I honestly did not think I would be able to see one up close.

I was was nervous at first... but sense the little fellow seemed to meant me no harm...  Hehe, we even played a nice game of hide-and-go-seek! How impressed was I was the small water dragon flowing even her fastest moves... truly did not each us long to find one another. Our game ended a little later... ending with us going to a short hunt for a meal.

I am going to call him Mizuchi -- named after a holy water deity of my past mer tribe. He puffed out his chest proudly at the name... so he agrees! The little guy followed me back to Ireem. Not really sure how I am going to explain him to Kito... or the other merfolk. Oh well~!

It was yet another hot day in the kingdom of Ireem. Most of the days drama was stirred up by the raids... This time the Dark Knight's attacked the Undead. How sad it is to see former allies going against each other over something shiny, food, or medical supplies. Ah well... it's probably why I will always be a healer... and will probably never end up on the front lines of any battle.

It's evening... and the hushed song of the ocean has one again lured me to into it's calming embrace. The moon is at it's fullest at the moment. It's soft light reflects so elegantly off the waves...

Gradually my darkened tresses lose their color... replaced by shades that mirror that of a rare opal. The scales along my match those soft shades of pearl, pale pink... sea green... blue... lavender -- deepening on how the moonlight shins down upon me.  How lovely the way my opalescent scales seem to reflect that light! In deeper waters these softer shades would reflect any light... the light cast by the dangler of the male's of our clan. It is also a way to let them know which females are receptive. I mean... who wants to waste their time on an ice queen?


Alas, I am far from the deep waters of my home. Tonight I shall bask under the soft moon's glow... alone. I cannot help my whisper a soft song as I gaze upwards into the heavens.


"Chaaron dishaaon mein ye daastaan ho
Ek dil, ek dang, ek jaan
Chaaron dishaaon mein ye daastaan ho
Ek dil, ek dang, ek jaan
Sarhad nah he koyi yahaan
Khuli ye zameen he, khula aasmaan"*




Ah how fortune has smiled upon me... it is the eight day of the month... so these cravings should only last for another -- pauses to count on fingers -- Twenty-two days!  Damnit! That's too long! It's a good thing my hair and fines will go back to normal in the morning... so the cravings will remain. But I think I can stay focused on work. The idiots of the Irem have a way of magically killing sex drives! Plus... I have to get back to that roman story.

___________________________

*"In every direction, let this be the philosophy
One heart, one colour, one soul

In every direction, let this be the philosophy
One heart, one colour, one soul

There are no boundaries here
The earth is open, open is the sky" lyrics by Nitin Sawhney.

It feels as if the desert sun is ten times as intense today... ah, instead of milling around the front gates, I did what any good little mer-girl would to... took to the waters. Mhmm... there is something about the feel of cool water against my scales...

It was a bit surreal... and I am thinking that I half dreamed the entire thing. I saw him... and he didn't run off immediately. At the same time... I couldn't bring myself to say anything. Could this be a good case of  "cat got your tongue" shyness... or does my silence have any meaning?

Not much happened after... there were a few odd looking critters about. Freckles had one... Nova had one... or were they just the same creature? They each had an interesting mix of cute and creepy... heh... not ugly enough to be called creepy. But still, I have never found anything that looked that close to a squirrel to be called cute.

But.... the funny part happened when one of his slave girls rented up. Always funny when a submissive can make a dom do odd things. I really shouldn't have laughed... there was talk of rape... and something about being rapped by ghosts? His ghost? I laughed so hard I fell off the pillar I was sitting on. Even Princess Page was there laughing at it all... Blah... more poor right boob has taken so much today! Doesn't help that I nearly feel three times earlier... running around like a nutter surely couldn't of made things better.

Oh well... once the laughter settled it almost felt as if I awoke from a dream. He went off when his slave girl...  And I return to my world... or whatever it was I was suppose to have been doing. It will come to me later... oh yes, working on that romance story! Ah but it's late... maybe I will have happy non creepy surreal dreams like this one. I'll just try to convince myself that it was all a dream... calling it reality doesn't sit well with the vindictive side of Scorpius.

It all just feels like a nightmare anyway... embers of a burned out passion laughing at me. Think I will fall asleep in the Chronicles office... So when I wake up the next day... I will have an easier chance convincing myself.

I can't believe I keep going over this... but here goes! Lets so... rumors are random tidbits. Most of the time they can start of harmless enough. One person says something about so and so... and from there on it can slowly grow... until you are left with something -- horrid! I monster of lies and random crap thrown in for good measure.

Some woman said that I missed someone... I find it funny that said woman randomly knows what is going on in my head -- when even I don't understand that! When asked... I couldn't exactly deny it. Could anyone miss someone who is always running around with some fucking slave? Geeze or worse... that "woman" who hopes on the next cock when the going gets bad? Really... such a person is not worth missing. Besides... he always seems to be running off somewhere. I'd rather not miss someone who appears to be more confused then I am...

Doesn't really answer that rumor... I mean, the heart wants what it wants. But at some point it's best to let logic take control. So do I miss him... not even going to let myself admit that.. -sigh- it doesn't matter at this point. Man alive am I feeling moody... ah well! It's nothing a little broiled fish with mint sauce won't cure!

Now! On to something less depressing... romance. I think I will write the story about "star crossed lovers". Maybe from different races or groups... like Maji and Dijinn... Of coarse their two sides don't want said couple together. But... their love is so strong it melts the anger of the two sides.

Mmm... but would such a tale end badly for the two lovers? I could have the Magi get killed by one of the Dijinn family members... then the lover rushes into the scene and commits selfless act before leaping to their death... or something like that.

 Ehh-- it all sounds good in my head. I will start off on the lovers... how they meet, and their steamy passion! Mmhmm... so amazing it melts the very sands beneath them.

I wish I could write about everything being fine... that the days gone past have been has perfect as I know they will be. How I long to write about how blissful and at peace I am... but no! This week... has just been the worst. I saw two of my mer sisters get attacked without warning... by a leader from the Dark Knights... And it wasn't just him... there were others attacking that evening. Well... more like a group of spoiled babies through a temper tantrum with swords! Yeah... show em just how brave you can be by attacking a group of unarmed people!

 And now I have strengthen my resolve to never lift a hand to help heal any dark knight... not even that person. Hell, I don't think he goes by the same name anymore. Not sense he left the Djinn. No matter... One should never trust a man who has multiple female lovers.

I hope to take my mind off things my writing a few steamy romance tales for the chronicles. Maybe I will write something from life? Yeah... I'll change a few details and such to spice things up.

Maybe later though... my heart is not up to writing. Added, I don't want to hear anything about romance either. Looks like I will head to the library to look up tarot cards. Far too quiet at the moment... calm after the storm? Or maybe... calm before? Either way I feel like hiding somewhere.

I have to assume that Aizen has either slowly lost interest in Eve... or that something happened between them... either way... he suddenly has more time for me. Late nights he comes around the Mystic parlor... Like a water snake in the tall rushes he sets his eyes on his prey and concurs... passionately...  he takes advantage of my weakness, my submissive side.

It's not like before...when we first met. No trickery... Aizen's still blunt and to the point. He wants me to wear his collar. Yet, there is still one thing in his way -- or should I say one person, Lord Kito. The evening before this up front request was made Kito made me the co-owner of the Ireem Chronicles.

Ah... my dear sweet Kito. He still promises to return to the seas with me... as long as I don't marry Aizen... I'm going to assume being collared falls under marriage...

Terribly dramic news aside, this past evening, I shared Kito's last evening together... well, his last evening as a normal male. Being with him makes me feel so loved... it's a felling I can't really explain. I just feel safe with him.

The next morning, queen Gavi turned Kito into a merman. It was a rather interesting ritual. She bound his feet in silk, and gathered a few objects. A prayer was given to the goddess of the see... and after we both chucked him into the water! I really hope Kito isn't upset with me about that! The look on his face said he wished to spank me... only time shall tell.

No matter... it worked. Ah, he has such a charming blue indigo tale...And there is something, dare I saw different about Kito. It's as if this passionate fire has been awakened in him by this change... Different then anything I have experienced thus far... the world and all of it's cares just seemed to fade away...

So yes, it would seem I am still being tugged in two different directions, even thought my engagement with Aizen has been called off... thanks in part to me running off... and now I fear a Kito and Aizen getting into a confrontation. Maybe the idea of two guys fighting over them makes some girls feel happy... Not me! Makes me feel nauseous inside. Ugh... now to make sure they are never in the same area together! Really... really... really don't see that ending well.

Gracious goddess of the seas... what am I do now? Looks as if I shall have to take things one step at a time.

It started with a reading...

Page of Wands [Reversed]: Past (reversed) Failure, disappointment, bad news. Concerning a person: lazy, always dissatisfied, may be a burden on others.
Death: Present - Deep changes, widening of world outlook, new beginning. Symbol of transformation.
Hermit: Future - Deepening into inner world, care, temporal loneliness, Spiritual search.


Yes... it seems the cards carried with them a haunting truth. And this simple reading would stay with me... Regardless, it was not the past or future I was concerned with, but the present. I am not one of the people that thinks the Death card means actual death...in order for renewal to occur, something must die...

Even throughout the wonderful Mer-ball... that one thought remained. Aside from that, I felt so unbelievably happy with my mer sisters. It was almost as if I didn't have a care in the world. Even leaving the party for a short bit to heal someone... didn't dampen my mood. Ah, it was great! Not having hear about a Princess being kidnapped...

So, it was then that I finally made up my mind. Later that evening, I sought the aid of a talented priestess. The the power of prayer... she humbly asked the goddess of the sea to accept her daughter... the transformation was interesting to say the lest. My legs vanished... a long slender dark blue tail took their place. Scales appeared along my torso and arms...






At long last, I have returned to my true form. My scales are darker then I recall, tale along longer. I wonder if that is an end result of the darker feelings within me? Heh, maybe I am just putting to much thought into this?

Returning to the seas has also awakened this deep passion within me... I just feel so alive right now! And I wish to express this feeling... with another...

They say being free comes with a high price... and if feels as if I have paid that price ten times over. I pass them by every day during my daily walks in Ireem. The various partiality dressed slave girls being tugged along on chains... the rare scene of a mistress punishing her male slave in the open for something... I don't think either is an example of love. Just shows that some cannot go without trying to control someone else. I can't explain it... but a cold collar lashed around someone's neck is not love! It's just cruel... is what it is.

(When the World Shines: picture of Princess Page and her Prince Consort, Rexie... I will never know such bliss... )

Things in life rarely follow a certain order. Sure, sometimes the stars align, the gods and goddess smile upon the world bringing goodness, light... and everything seems to work out perfectly. As if the tale came straight from the pages of a romance novel's scroll. No, oh no... some mysterious force has decided that my life will never follow such a path. I will never be a perfect anything...

Wonderfully flawed, I am submissive... yet I have never been the type to cling... Deeply introverted, but I hate to be alone. Ahh... no wonder why I struggle so to make up my mind! Surely the star I was burn under must be the twins... and here I thought I had the strong sexual desires of a Scorpio? I certainly have the jealous wicked side down! I feel them... my horns are showing.

On the other hand, I would hate it if my life were perfect. If my heart didn't yearn for past lovers while still seeking others. I've got to live with myself... love myself before I can really expect anyone else to do the same.

Kito... my freedom. We were finally able to meet this past day of the Sun. Kito promised if I did not marry Aizen, he would return to the seas with me. So smitten by this offer that I accepted. In return, Lord Kito promised to protect something I hold very dear to my heart... my freedom. He also brought me back a few things from his latest trip. Wonderful trinkets that I shall always hold dear.

I am not sure if my wonderfully imperfect road that I call life will ever lead me back to Aizen. No matter...as I have written earlier, I am sure he is far to busy making that certain someone dance nude in the sand. Hope that thing gets bitten by a scorpion and dies... Did I really just write that? Mmhmm... I did. Yet, this is my diary... the one place I can really be myself without fear!

No matter, I have a farewell letter to write. I am planing on returning to the seas... so I shall need to have my mermaid form returned to me. I just need to work up the courage to say good bye to those in the palace...

I will be meeting Lord Kito... seventh day of the week. In his letter, he said he wished to tell me something. I will -- at long last, finally find out what he wishes to say. This oh so amazing thing that caused me to get cold feet at the last second...

I would so love to say that this was the thing that stopped my wedding with Aizen. Yet seeing how this is the second person I ... I ... left right before that big moment -- the wicked little voice in my head tells other wise.

Doesn't matter... Now I have never been one to listen to rumors.  Goodness knows they are made up of nothing but falsehoods and random tidbits whispered by the lonely, the bitter, the upset... Women can be dark evil creatures of jealously. Learned that the hard way in the Yoshiwara pleasure district...  more recently, the Sultana's harem.  Yet, I have heard that Aizen is starting to move on. Or well, has been spotted around with someone. Rumors of him with some woman named Eve reached me... Aside from that I was with Pushka... we say them together. Eve's bright red nude ass butt dancing for him in the middle of the desert. Bright sun turning her skin into a nice bright red shade of crimson... Maybe that's why she can't sit or lay down... only kneel... maybe guy's just want a slut!  Such a mean little creature I am, but I don't feel bad... Not after... after then bloody things he said. It seems that I wear the white Hannya* mask today. Maybe the rumors are true.. and I will turn into a devious demon hell bent on men's down fall? Hah... only if I continue to dwell in such a dark mood.

Maybe I honestly wouldn't care if it was anyone else but that woman... no! Calling her that is an insult to all females! Whore? No... she is much lower then that. A traitor who moves on to the winner side... the witch who dared try to harass one of my clan sisters into joining another group so she would help her!

Doesn't matter... if Aizen wasn't to keep that... that... thing as a slave it's fine. But I have no plans on staying around -- looks like another wedding killed. Death by rumors, words can be oh so terribly powerful. Mightier then all the blades of the undead.

At least I have someone else to move onto this time... I have the mer clan, right? And Kito...

________________________________________

*The white Hannya mask is worn by someone of high status. 

The Hannya mask is used in many noh and kyōgen Japanese plays, as well as in Shinto ritual kagura dances. The Hannya mask portrays the souls of women who have become demons due to obsession or jealousy. 

The Hannya mask is said to be dangerous and Erotic but also sorrowful and tormented displaying the complexity of human emotions. When the actor looks straight ahead, the mask appears frightening and angry; when tilted slightly down, the face of the demon appears to be sorrowful, as though crying. -- tis from Wiki

For most people love surely is a wonderful freeing thing... it up lifts the spirit in so many ways! Brings so much joy in the lives of the people who share it. Because that feeling spreads... and spreads... Yet for me, love no longer feels so freeing. Truth be told I feel so trapped right now. I received a letter from Lord Kito asking me to wait... and of course that did not sit well with Aizen.

So now, I am torn between two people... two different males who each offer me two different things. With Aizen is protection and strength. What woman wouldn't want to be protected throughout all time? And with Kito... it's tenderness.... the love we share together is freeing.

Part of me just wishes to through caution to the winds... and leave them both. I just can't take it! This maddening feeling... At night, I picture myself... finding the highest point of Ireem. Ah, the feeling of weightlessness until that one moment... then nothing. I'm so tempted to just end it all.... then I wouldn't have to worry about love at all.

Yet I cannot bring myself to do anything so drastic. I've made up my mind... in two weeks time I am going to return to the seas. I'm currently working out a time for my ceremony... Maybe a change will keep me from doing anything as drastic as taking my life.

The brave... the ones who stay in fight even after the odds look their worst. The poor yet noble souls who stick around to see what happens after the dust has settled. I've never considered myself to be one of those souls... in fact I consider myself a coward.

When things become tough or too difficult my first reaction is to flee. I left home... Edo... left the palace Harem... and now I am thinking of leaving the palace all together. I have found myself in a bit of a love triangle. Truth be told I really don't like the idea of hurting anyone... I can't even bring myself to owning a slave here... How in the name of all that is pure do I keep finding myself in these situations?

Perhaps it's karma? I did run away from first fiancee. He wanted to keep me in his gaudy mansion of his... like I was just another one of his damned trinkets! That's not love to me.

A drastic cowardice route would be for me to return to the seas. I could leave everything that constrains me... How the oceans sing to my soul every evening. Those teasing waves... how I miss the feel of their soft caress. I could go for a swim... yet the sensations would not be the same. I am not as in tune with the seas with a human body.

I was able to have a very important talk with Princess Lexie. She took me to a private home... following a hidden path. There, I told her the truth about how I felt about each male. And she told me a few words of wisdom. Choose the one who treats me the best... like a precious gem.

I suppose this means I need to have a very long chat with Lord Kito. I am not even sure of my feelings will be returned. It could be yet another one sided love... ahh the sands are filled with such tales.

Looks like I shall be paying closer attention to this restless heart of mind.. I just hope I find the correct path... and not one that leads to more sadness.