Farewell My Concubine

For most people love surely is a wonderful freeing thing... it up lifts the spirit in so many ways! Brings so much joy in the lives of the people who share it. Because that feeling spreads... and spreads... Yet for me, love no longer feels so freeing. Truth be told I feel so trapped right now. I received a letter from Lord Kito asking me to wait... and of course that did not sit well with Aizen.

So now, I am torn between two people... two different males who each offer me two different things. With Aizen is protection and strength. What woman wouldn't want to be protected throughout all time? And with Kito... it's tenderness.... the love we share together is freeing.

Part of me just wishes to through caution to the winds... and leave them both. I just can't take it! This maddening feeling... At night, I picture myself... finding the highest point of Ireem. Ah, the feeling of weightlessness until that one moment... then nothing. I'm so tempted to just end it all.... then I wouldn't have to worry about love at all.

Yet I cannot bring myself to do anything so drastic. I've made up my mind... in two weeks time I am going to return to the seas. I'm currently working out a time for my ceremony... Maybe a change will keep me from doing anything as drastic as taking my life.