Farewell My Concubine

(Me at the Wedding... hope to  have more images of it later... )

I found myself seated in a grand hall... guest dressed in their finest, bride's maids in gold... grooms men in fine suits... A bride dressed in shades of brilliant red silk. Is this a dream... no it was Princess Lexie's wedding. It was such a lovely affair, straight from the parchment of a romance author. Mmhmm, I felt so happy for the couple... hehe I even ended up dancing on a table! Felt a bit dizzy after... little woozy. Eh, must have eaten a bit too much lamb. Always upsets my stomach... 

Mmhmm... now where was I At the end of this wonderful event... things returned to normal. Well, at least for me. I still have to deal with the fact that my heart still pines for two different people. Low and behold... logic is finally starting to kick in! I have decided to... decided to try to pick one.

But as dear oira no tokoro no nēsan once said "Passion is not love... when you find the one who makes you wish to me a true woman -- you will know you have find the one you are meant to be with"

I just need to pick the one who makes me feel this wonderful... without sex. I mean sex is amazing but... there is so much more to being in love with someone then physical passion.

Past: Death In reverse  

Present: The Lovers In reverse 

Future: Justice

What this points to is stagnation in the past... indecision in love... but the Justice card finally points to me making a sound choice. I just hope it is one my heart and mind can agree upon... maybe I will finally meet up with a female...

I once thought I had to make up my mind went it came to lovers... but... who I have in my heart is just that. If I am love with two people.. then I am in love with two people. I can't stop my heart from pining after Aizen or Kito... so I am not going to try. And if someone doesn't understand this... then... I don't care. It's my life to live... and I am going to live it! Free from the constraints of others.