I've reached a cross road in my life... and have been presented with three paths. The first, is to remain in the harem. Our Valide said when, Stella, our current Bas Gedikli, gets wed she will take her position . Thus possibly allowing me to take the rank of Valide. Unless... she gives the position to Patience... a rising and talented Kadin... if that happens I still have options. Two other paths.
The second path is to leave the harem to become a court artist. I am currently studying under Lord Kito. This will leave me free to pursue my art... yet... I continue to second guess myself. Am I really leaving for the thrilling and wonderfully dull life as a court artist... or so I can spend more time with Lord Kito? If this is true, I do not see this ending too well. Worlds over, people do things... take risks for love. Rarely do suck ventures work out. "Nothing gained nothing earned..." but I really do not wish to take such risks at this point.
I am not sure why I feel so damn pessimistic on the subject of love. Part of me yearns for that one special someone... someone I can always count on in times of need. The other... loathes the idea.
The third path is far more risky... leaving the palace all together with the hopes of trying to take a leader ship role amongst the mer people. I grow tired of hearing out our people are being chased daily... at times I wish I could take up arms and do more! I show those blasted slavers once and for all... If I take this path, I could lose everything. Again, I am not sure if it is worth taking such risks.
I suppose I have a lot to think over... I understand the words "Nothing ventured nothing earned"... but I worry if I risk it all, I will be left with nothing in the end.
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